Freeform with Ashley

Matej: [00:00:00] Yeah, we are live.

Ashley: We're live. yes. do it. 

Matej: This is an experiment.

Ashley: I love it. What made you want to do this? Um, un formatted filter style.

Matej: I'm think I was thinking about this for a while, but I had no time to actually arrange a meeting, catching up for whatever conversation with someone. And this was a great opportunity. So I intend to invite more momentum colleagues to catch up in this way.

Ashley: Cool. I love it. So how's this gonna be different from your podcast?

Matej: I am usually prepared for my podcast, so I have some framework or whatever I would like to talk about, but I would like these conversations to be more like [00:01:00] a, I don't know, like having a cup of coffee or tea together and chat, like a random chat. No plans.

Ashley: It's so cool. I love that. That's kind of like my

Matej: So how have you been? 

Ashley: I'm good. Yeah, a lot has happened. How long has it been? six months.

Matej: Yeah, probably, probably.

Ashley: You have a mastermind

Matej: Yeah, we just had our first, uh, session meeting, whatever last week, so Yeah.

Ashley: That's amazing.

Matej: It is alive.

Ashley: That's amazing.

Matej: Yeah, it is. It is. It was like, uh, let's try it out. See if anyone will show up. Uh.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: 10, , participants showed up. So we are doing it.

Ashley: That's amazing. Oh my God, I'm so for you.

Matej: Yeah. Thanks. Thanks.

Ashley: So what is it, what is it a mastermind for? Like other [00:02:00] coaches or,

Matej: Actually, I didn't know how to name it and that's why I used my podcast name and I just add Mastermind at the end, but it's more like a collective coaching program, , with six modules and Slack support in between. So each module is one team. We have like authenticity. The next one will be about limiting beliefs and how to overcome.

Then there's the next one with nervous system. And so we, we have six, six, times we'll be together. Um, so yeah, that's it.

Ashley: that's amazing.

Matej: Thanks

Ashley: I didn't even know you were going in that direction because last time we talked you were focusing on your podcasts and one-on-one clients.

Matej: This is like a decision after we were in that Georgie's container together, but we, when I brought this idea in the next one, [00:03:00] so I joined her for the next, uh, was

Ashley: Container.

Matej: or higher? Cont.

Ashley: Thing thing.

Matej: And I said, instead of me going me being focused on one-on-one, I will try to make a mastermind and maybe, maybe see what can I do with that?

And we'll see where, where I can bring it. So yeah, for, for now, it's like, , it was even. Before we began with George's Mastermind, I already had the invitations, , the like some kind of, outline for my landing page, everything. So it was like, just let's polish this thing and publish it and we'll see where this will go.

So yeah. Now it's live.

Ashley: Is it in?

Matej: So what about you?

Ashley: I am, I'm sorry.

Matej: What, uh,

Ashley: you. I'm so curious. So is this in your native language or how are you doing it?

Matej: yeah, yeah, it's in my [00:04:00] native language language. I wanted to, to go with English language, but then I was in a container with Christine, is like a half year ago, and I told her about my plans and her advice was like, you can. It, it's to shorten the whole story that it is better to try it in my native language because it's maybe not so saturated like a podcast host with coaching and and so on.

So I gave it a try and here I am now.

Ashley: that's incredible. Over a hundred episodes later. I saw that.

Matej: Yeah. Yeah. It is

Ashley: Amazing.

Matej: 100.

Ashley: Congratulations.

Matej: Yeah. Thanks. Thanks. What's about, what about you still in Germany?

Ashley: I'm still in Germany. I'm still in

Matej: yeah.

Ashley: Um, I don't even remember where I was last time we talked, [00:05:00] to be honest with you.

Matej: Germany.

Ashley: I wasn't, I physically, I was in Germany. Um, life journey wise, yeah. I still have clients. I'm still coaching. Um, I've, I did like an amazing workshop. I normally do like two a year, but this time I did bridge, you know, from the, uh, people that did our coaching course. Alexian Preston. That's the best workshop I've ever done.

Like, really, really

Matej: I wanted to ask you about this because

Ashley: me.

Matej: I wanted to go for, from the first minute that I was introduced with this, with this, uh, not idea, but with the, the, the program while we were in Elementum. But at that time I was like scared of it and I said, because I'm scared I have to attend such, such a thing. But, uh, I think I'm not scared of it anymore [00:06:00] because I, I've done some, some somatic work since then, but I think this is something that I have to, I have to try.

So, yeah. How was it like.

Ashley: It was great. Um, I was describing it to somebody and it's kind of like a crossover between Burning Man and Tony Robbins.

Matej: Okay.

Ashley: There's like, they tailor each, um, event, should I say, workshop. They tailor each workshop to what the people write, what they wanna get out of it. And um, so I think a lot of people in the workshop I was in there was about 90 people and it was two weekends. Some people only signed up for the first weekend.

Some people only, um, signed up for both, and it just got more and more intense. [00:07:00] And Yeah. Yeah.

Matej: I can imagine. So you did bridge and then the other one is

Ashley: Extreme. Yeah.

Matej: Yeah.

Ashley: And I'm actually in their virtual, um, online 90 day program that's after Bridge and Extreme, is called Life by Design, which they actually help take a lot of the practices and exercises that we did while we were in the conference center in Austin, Texas. Um, in the 90 day program, it all goes VIR Virtual and we go deeper with the people that we were in the same, um, event with.

So you get to know everybody at a deeper level. You get even deeper into the exercises, and then you're really challenged to integrate all the things that we learned there into our actual lives as we go back to our lives. Um. It's designed beautifully. Like all the courses they make are just designed so well, [00:08:00] in my opinion.

Yeah,

Matej: Yeah. And when you were doing that in Austin, that was more or less from I. The, the shots that I saw on Instagram and so on, it was really, um, like deep somatic work or,

Ashley: yeah. Most of it was somatic. Um, we also did breath work.

Matej: hmm.

Ashley: also did nervous system regulation work, which is of course includes breath work inside of it. But we had a really intense breath work session. Um, emotional release we did a lot of work on. And then they really challenged, um, like perspectives.

How we take those perspectives into our world. Like one of the, oh, I can't talk too much about it actually ' cause I really want everybody just go and do it. But they had us do some exercises on our lunch [00:09:00] breaks where we had to go and either ask for something difficult that we don't normally ask for people or um, like do something that really challenges us, like sing or dance in front of a group of people and then notice your reaction to it and like, oh my God, these people are gonna judge me.

These people are gonna do this or that. And like everything that our brain tells us and how uncomfortable it's gonna be and what we're gonna do, and then you do it and you're like, oh my God, I didn't die. And it was actually fine. And maybe I'm even a little bit more confident and comfortable putting myself in uncomfortable situations now.

And I think everybody was really surprised at how well. The majority of other people reacted. 'cause I think what I took away from it, especially in the exercises outside of the conference room, was that most people [00:10:00] are really nice and willing to actually help and support. Yeah,

Matej: Yeah, but these, these are already people, you know, it's like a saying that, uh, the, the humans change when they decide to change another, a second before that. And all the people that were there are actually willing to change. They're, they're there to, to change. So I believe that they're supportive and nice and everything that we would wish from ourselves and from everybody around us.

But yeah, it's not always the same in, in real life. But yeah, so great. So great. It's quite a lot of, quite a lot of colleagues from Elementum that joined Bridge and Extreme. I'm just, I'm just, uh, paying attention to, to different Instagram stories and so on. Uh, and [00:11:00] I see whenever this is happening, quite a lot of, quite a lot of guys from Elementum is, is there and.

Ashley: Yeah,

Matej: They're involved. Great, great.

Ashley: I think you would really like it.

Matej: so breach extreme still in Germany, more confident than ever before.

Ashley: Nah.

Matej: You've, you've changed, you've changed what you talk about because you used to be more like, uh, talking about joy now you're talking about, uh, divorces and is, is, did I catch it right? It's divorce and, and how to get over it and this

Ashley: Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, you know that I went through a divorce not that long ago. in some ways still going through divorce and I feel like I talk about whatever, like sparks my interest in that moment. And I'm still very interested in joy.

Matej: Enjoy

Ashley: But actually coming out of the workshop that I was [00:12:00] doing in Austin, I realized how many other women out there have my same story and don't talk about it. Um, so that when I left there and I was speaking with one of my mentors and he was having a look at, you know, where I could grow in different areas of my company and he was like, you know, you're kind of just talking to everybody when you could just help a more specific kind of group of people and go even deeper with them.

Um. He was like, what if you wanted to play in that area? What would you do? And I was like, well, from all the women that I talked to when I shared my story at the conference, people would come to me privately and tell me how much would I set impact to them. And I was like, wow, if I can do that in front of 90 people, what are the thousands of people that watching my reels?

How many is that gonna help? [00:13:00] Um, because most, mostly I just want to like inspire and encourage people and like reinvigorate their love of life and, and see that like life can be a beautiful thing if we let it be, or if we can change our perspective or believe that it's even possible, that life can be a beautiful thing in a dark time.

And I, I love to be that encouragement for people. I. Um, I just kind of like shifted in what specific area I do that in, but Joy actually ties into that. Like all of the work that I do, like divorce is just one facet of that. I, I still work with people that are not divorced, but under that is like a loss of joy, a loss of self-trust, a disconnection with intuition, like all of these things underneath it.

Divorce is just the mask of all those things that bring all of it to the [00:14:00] surface.

Matej: I just saw, I don't know where it was, some documentary where, um, vision is it? Vision Ani from Mindvalley. I think it's Ani the surname Doesn't matter. He was talking about his divorce and he said, I just recently, like yesterday, it was the day that I divorced and it was the, the most, one of the most joyful day for both of us, for his wife and for him because they were in this together and they decided that this is like the next level into their life.

So they know that they had like a beautiful

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: in the past, but now they're all, both agreed to move on and to live separately, but, but like to live to the fullest. So it's like we are all so usually tied up when these situations come and we think we have to be in a bad mood. We have to argue, we have to fight, but. It's just a decision you need to [00:15:00] decide and move forward and live on. So yeah, just, just a thought because.

Ashley: No, I actually watched that as well. They, 'cause they did conscious and uncoming. Um, and I think that's, I. I totally agree with you. It doesn't have to be the stereotypical, this has to be a horrible thing and if we can make it the way they did, it was a little bit more ceremonial from what I understand.

But I think, I think if two people are mature enough and with the right intentions, which children are a great motivation to having the right intention, um, that it doesn't have to be a horrible thing. Like my separation between me and my ex-partner was a really long journey. And he's not a bad person.

He's just not my person. And we actually have a beautiful co-parenting relationship that I really would not change for anybody else. He's a wonderful [00:16:00] father. Um, but you know, we often base who we choose as a partner on what our relationship was like in childhood. I.

What we're comfortable in there, and as wonderful as my parents are, and as much as I love them, they're divorced, and I do not want to rehash out that relationship for my daughter.

I would rather give her the example of a relationship that I want her to have, so

Matej: That's interesting. When you said we are seeking for our parents. I just read that if you offer our brain a unfamiliar heaven, I. Familiar. Hell,

Ashley: it'll take the hell. 

Matej: will always take the hell.

Ashley: Yeah. So true.

Matej: Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, [00:17:00] it is a great story and I'm really glad that it worked out well for you, for both of you, for all three of you.

Ashley: Really all three of us. 

Matej: Yeah.

yeah, So, yeah, that's great.

Ashley: Thanks.

Matej: So coaching still in the picture.

Ashley: It is. Yeah.

Matej: great.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: So you've decided to go on with this because you have some, some second thoughts maybe just to be like a side hustle, but you're, you're doing it like a full time now or

Ashley: Not quite. I'm working on it. Um,

Matej: Okay.

Ashley: I guess you could consider it full-time because I mean, I started my own podcast. I now do a lot of other integral things, but, um, now that I'm divorced, I have a lot more time. So, um, I do have other side hustles that [00:18:00] I'm working on now because I want coaching to be more of a passion project. a lot of other coaches out there coming to, coming from a place. Of need, um, and not service. And as you know, it's a business. It is supposed to yield some sort of income. And as I invest in my skills and hone my skills and get better as a coach, of course, like, um, my packages and pricing and offering changes. And I don't want it to be the thing that I, I look to for safety and security financially because it, I wanna as, um, the best possible coach that I can be for my clients and, and also just for my platform, [00:19:00] you know, social media. Yeah.

Matej: that's great. I always have this, uh, I always, always have Preston in, in my mind whenever I'm thinking about, uh, my own business because he, he had this speech in Elementum that it's not the best way or it's not good way to try to serve others when you're cup is like half empty, that you have to like be in service when your cup is actually.

How is it called in English? Um, it's not

Ashley: Overflowing. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Matej: When Yeah. From overflow. So, yeah. And this brings all the aspects of life inside in this full, full, like overflow, half of the cap. So like, how's your family life? What are you eating? Are you sleeping? Um, do you have this need for safety [00:20:00] out of your business or side hustle?

Um, is, is this something that you have to, like, struggle to survive? Or is this something that you can be actually fully present and support others and so on? So yeah, I have always this image of Preston in my mind, but it's, it's so meaningful. These words are so meaningful.

Ashley: that's a good one. Are you still in your corporate position?

Matej: Yeah, I am. I am. Hmm.

Ashley: is that?

Matej: It's, uh, tough now for quite a while, but not from the perspective of my work, but of managing all the things at once. 

Ashley: Family, corporate, and business.

Matej: Yeah. But yeah, family, corporate, and then also now the podcast. And now also the, my Mastermind came into the picture, uh, and

Ashley: Yeah,

Matej: I didn't [00:21:00] prepare the program all in advance. I said, I will prepare the first module and then I will see what all the participants need, and I will try to, to somehow adjust their needs to the topic.

So I have to, to be quite involved in what will actually be presented, set, and the exercises and, and everything in next module. So it's also, in a way, time consuming. But, uh, yeah, I think it's hard, but on the other side, it somehow pays out with, with the positive energy that comes out of each and every aspect that I'm involved.

So that's, that's also good.

Ashley: It's beautiful. I love that. I think that's such a, an amazing place to come from, is to cater the program to the person. 'cause I feel like so many coaching containers are cookie cutter. It's like, well if you're struggling [00:22:00] this, then come here. And then this is what everybody pays for and it's self-led.

And then maybe you come in for a q and a once or twice a month. Um. But people are so unique and intricate, and the problems that they have with one another. And I like when the, when the programs are more catered to the people inside of the program, um, people get so much more out of it.

And it's so much more in service.

Matej: Yeah. I mean, I will see, because this is the first time that I'm

Ashley: Yeah,

Matej: I try to do my best.

Ashley: yeah,

Matej: I ask those who, who've done it for advice. So I try to, to somehow put it together in the best possible way. And at the end, of course I will gather feedback and try to be better in the next round. So

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: I'll see, I hope that this will be something that will be like once or [00:23:00] twice a year.

Um, I'll see

Ashley: How long is it for?

Matej: it's, uh, three months,

Ashley: months. Okay.

Matej: but it could be shorter because we have like each model every second week. And I think now that we are doing it, that maybe it would be also good to have it like every week. Um, because, I dunno, but every second week, week is good for me because I have to prepare.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: Prepare the materials.

Yeah.

Ashley: And maybe it's, mm. Can I give you my opinion? Yeah. So I'm, you know, I'm doing the life by design thing and I'm in this container, and we've, we've been in many containers before together, um, well many two. Um, I, I really love when people give space for integration. So like the first week is when they shoot you with the knowledge and the worksheets of like, okay.

This is what [00:24:00] happened in your family life or this is what your safety strategies are, or this is your mindset towards this thing or this is how you are in relationships. And then it gives people some prompts to like journal and think about how what they learn applies to their life. I would love a program that gives you the space to go deep on like the first exposure of the new material, if you will.

And then the second week gives like a stretch or a challenge or a like life practice where you have to go into your relationships or out into the world and practice something. Yeah.

Matej: Yeah, but it, it is like this is the, the obligation or how to put it of every participant. So I can give some like exercises. I can, I can put out like a challenge, [00:25:00] like a weekly challenge, whatever. Um, but when I, if those who will, who are the participants will like, uh, commit and do it, or if they will say, okay, this is like some exercise in between, uh, our sessions.

And I will just, yeah, I will read it and it's okay. So that, that depends what they will get out of the Mastermind. So maybe they won't do any exercises in between and it's like just live sessions. Or maybe they will. Play it out to the fullest. It, it depends on each and every participant.

Ashley: Nice. Can I ask how much you're charging for your container?

Matej: Yeah. This is now like, um, first time offer. It's just like a special offer for the first generation, how to put it's, uh, 50 euros per person per month. So it's like, um, 100, [00:26:00] 150 euros altogether for three month containers. So it's like,

Ashley: That's great. do you feel about that?

Matej: it is, I mean, I, I was super happy to, I didn't know how to price it. I said I want to price it much higher, but like. For the first time, people have to know about it. They, I have to somehow get some, not just feedback, but also some, some testimonials and so on. And I said, okay, let's, let's go with the price, which is not too high, which is affordable.

And uh, you still have to do a small investment. So it's like a commitment because if it's free, then it's not a real commitment. A lot people will just be there to see what's going on, and then that's all. So if you put some money in it, it's like a stronger commitment to the process.

Ashley: Yeah. I think when the, [00:27:00] when the price is lower or the threshold of discomfort is not so low, then people are more willing to say yes. It's finding the balance of stretching people enough, like you said, to get them to commit to actually doing the program so you don't have a container full of people or a group of people who are half motivated, because then they

Matej: Yeah. But even with the,

Ashley: anything out of it.

Matej: but even with low price, uh, if you price it low, I don't know what is low actually, because I am, I'm, it's, it depends to the market. If this is like international thing, this would not be priced well. But because it's a local thing for Slovenian polo population, I think it's, it's like a reasonable price.

Um, but if you price it low, um, I think, yeah, I lo I lost my train of thoughts. Okay. I wanted to say, I wanted to say something, [00:28:00] but I was thinking in slowing and I wanted

Ashley: Mm. Okay.

Matej: Um, yeah, if you price it low, I think it's, it's, um, maybe they're just buying hope.

Ashley: Mm. Mm-hmm.

Matej: you can, you can miss like 50 euros per month.

It's something that you can miss. And if you buy hope with this 50 euros, you can feel better, but you want change with this. So it's like those, uh, um, like supplements for food and like machines for fit fitness machines and this stuff,

I can buy it. This gives me hope, but at the end nothing changes. So, yeah, we'll see.

It's, it's up to each and everyone how, how, um, strongly they commit to the process and what they can get out of it.

Ashley: Yeah, so true. I mean, even for the really expensive programs, if [00:29:00] people don't do the actual work or commit to applying what they learned to their actual life, just a lot of money.

Matej: Yeah, Elementum was like this for me, for instance, was a lot of money, especially for that time because we did some house renovation and so on, so I needed to, to, to, I took a loan to join Elementum, actually. And, uh, I think it's still, I still didn't, yeah, we got the certification and so on, but I still didn't finish with Element stuff.

I'm, I'm still going back to that student portal and I'm still watching the videos.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: Uh, I think it's a lot of time that something hits me, like that's from the, I don't know, um, masculine feminine videos, something, and I, and then I go back and watch it and, uh, so I'm still learning. I think it was [00:30:00] like investment, um, which was expensive, but it's, so, on one hand it's, it's really worth.

The investment. It's, it's like, not that it's repaid for me, but, but, uh, I'm really glad that I did it. Um, but I still didn't, I still don't see it. Like this is something that I con concluded. I'm still like going back and learn and learn from it. So it's like, uh, I don't know, like, like a subscription on tv.

It's, I can always watch that movie, which I saw, which I liked so much or whatever. I still, I'm still going back and, and, uh, learning from that material.

Ashley: was a lot of material.

Matej: Yeah.

Ashley: a lot. And um, yeah, I feel the same way. I feel like every time I go back and watch something, even if it's not from the actual program itself, if it's just from their content or from somebody else's content, there's always like a really [00:31:00] good piece of information that I feel like as long as I apply it to my life, something comes out of it.

But sometimes you like it clicks in your head and then I. At least for me, six months to a year later, I'll be like, oh yeah, I did know this. And had I had implemented that into my life then I would not be in this situation now. But it's a learning, it's a learning curve. It's all part of the Yeah.

Matej: Yeah. And maybe some things which we did, I didn't maybe embody to that level, which I'm supposed to. For instance, like somatics. I think now I'm much more like hearing, feeling my body that during that time in Elementum. I was so disconnected, and that was like first steps towards, towards, um, doing anything and listening to my body and intuition [00:32:00] and so on.

So I think I'm in much, much better place now with this. And I still have, uh, the money module on my table, and I tend to, to come back, to, come back to, to that module, just, uh, I think obviously the time is not right yet because it's just lying on my table, like print, print it out, and I want to do that exercises again.

Um, I think I'm still not in, in the, the, in good place. Um, with my money topics.

Ashley: What do you mean?

Matej: that if, I mean, when we were in Elementum, I was like, uh, so I was so pumped up with that, uh, how I will, um. Treat my income and split it into like different buckets and so on, and something, some kind of distraction obviously came along the way and I didn't [00:33:00] open like different accounts and so on, and it somehow just went to the next module and then the next, and I never did it.

And I think that I have to go back and see where my holes in the buckets are, where the money is like flowing out. Uh, and it's not necessary to let that money to flow out through that holes in the bucket. And, uh, I need to make like a firm structure how to handle it. So yeah, I still have something to go back and, uh, learn or redo or whatever, whatever I call it.

Ashley: I love that you're just being real about that and you're just saying where you have to grow still. I think that's such a beautiful thing because so often I feel like people in our space like to be the expert, [00:34:00] but from what you do in your content is you really show up as a human. And I love that. ' cause I feel like so many people see us, especially you as a role model. When we can admit to ourselves that we have areas to grow in or ways to be better, it just gives other people the permission slip to be like, okay, it's time for me to admit to myself where I can be better, or at least I like to think that,

Matej: Yeah, that's why I never, I usually did some podcast episodes. Um, out of the different modules that we had in Element, but I never did a, an episode about money and I was like a financial advisor back, I dunno, 20, 20 years ago in my, at the beginning of my career. [00:35:00] And I said, I won't do anything regarding this because if I didn't go through these exercises, like I think that I should go, I won't talk about this because I don't have my experience how, how, how my experience was with this.

So, um, this is one topic that I didn't talk about at all

Ashley: yet

Matej: yet, yet. But yeah, there's still time.

Ashley: absolutely.

Matej: Yeah. So where are you headed with your, um, podcast and all the things that you're doing now?

Ashley: Um, I'm looking for more collaboration 'cause I noticed that I find more joy and creativity and spark in creating things with other people. Um, my podcast is, for instance, with another coach and [00:36:00] we just, it's completely unfiltered. It's like this, it's two coaches having an unfiltered conversation about life.

And um, sometimes I listened back to it and I was like, Ooh, maybe it should be a little bit more structured or maybe a bit more filtered. 'cause I'm like, oh, that name of that thing that I referenced is not exactly right. Or was that study number the right thing? But, um, I think it's kind of really not kind of, I think it's really important today for people to have content to look at that's real, that's like two real people having a real conversation.

And that there is so much structure to it. Because at least in my life, in my younger years, I didn't have a lot of exposure to that outside of real life interaction. And I listened to lots of people, but [00:37:00] it was like a one person dialogue. Either in a book or a podcast or whatever. But when I had the opportunity to see these people interacting with other people and modeling for me, like healthy inter social communication and how to disagree with somebody in a polite and respectful way, how to offer your opinion in a way that's not challenging of other people.

Um, just being a witness to that and kind of being like a fly on a wall and getting to see that conversation happen gave me so much. It gave me perspective and it gave me a lot of insight as to how I could have better communication in my relationships. So I, I think what you're doing is great. 

Matej: I think we are all doing great stuff.

Ashley: Yeah. We're do all doing our best.

Matej: Yeah. Yeah. But these [00:38:00] things really change changes through, I don't know, indifference in different periods, periods of time, different, not topics arises. This is like. Normal. But I think that when I started my podcast, it was like, um, I was so oriented, like I will talk to successful people, entrepreneurs, like stories about success, but then it's, it immediately like went into direction, which I somehow secretly wanted to go, but I didn't plan it this way.

Like more talk about what the success actually means for you. Not how do you think you should be on the outside to appear successful, but about the meaning of success. Um, and, you know, it's, it's. Interest. It was interesting for me to [00:39:00] witness it, especially at those first interviews because I thought that everyone will be talking about, I don't know, money company, whatever, and they were all talking about like inner peace, beam, calm, enjoying life and you see, okay, obviously, obviously this is the path that that needs to be like, um, discovered or, or I need to put like more interest into that aspect of life, not just like what the success.

I think that my first thought was like. What does success look like on the outside? And if you ask anyone who is successful, and I thought that they will say, oh, I did that company and makes so much money and so on. But at the end you see that we are also human and we are all seeking for, for, um, different things.

And [00:40:00] success is not something that you can like grab, uh, into your hands and, and, uh, I don't know, put it on the shelf or somewhere, but it's like a feeling and, and way of life. And yeah. So yeah, I'm, I did bring it. It's like a, it was like, um, evolving in this way. And now obviously for the last, I don't know how much, how many episodes, it's more or less just about personal growth coaching and this stuff.

But it also goes well. Hand in hand, those who are talking about success, like, uh, what is success, like inner peace and so on. And when you're talking about coaching, it's like how to achieve that inner peace so it somehow

Ashley: Mm-hmm.

Matej: goes together, hand in hand.

Ashley: What would you say is your version of success?

Matej: I think I'm always, when I'm thinking about [00:41:00] success, I'm always like, my mind immediate immediately goes to authenticity. So how to be, how to bring as much of me into my life as possible.

Ashley: So what? Go ahead.

Matej: I mean, probably it's, it's like. We are all programmed when we come out of school that, that we have to be someone else in order to, I don't know, be liked, to be successful, to be accepted.

And then sooner or later you somehow discover that it's, this is not the right path. I have to be more me in order to be like, um, satisfied, like in peace with myself. Uh, and this, I think this is like the real path to success, to, to accept myself and to be myself.

Ashley: Hmm. [00:42:00] When do you feel most like yourself?

Matej: Whew. You at me now?

Ashley: Did I get you? Oh, interesting. I was thinking that this is like, you seem very confident.

Matej: probably, I thought about this quite a lot of times and. I don't know. Probably I don't, I I would have to see what my answers were in my previous, so I don't answer each time differently. But I think when I'm creative, I am probably somehow in my best self.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: Um, and that's why I used to be more involved in music or with music.

I used to do photography. Now I have my podcast.

Ashley: Hmm

Matej: Um, it is also so interesting when being with kids

Ashley: mm.

Matej: my, my own kids and playing like, um, it can be just like simple games or [00:43:00] whatever, but just to, to be a bit more goofy than I usually am. It's, it's something that, that I don't know. Yeah, sometimes I, I feel more, more like me when I'm silly than, than like I am when I'm going through my real life.

'cause I think I'm having to, I'm not having enough this kind of fun like, um, to be playful in a non, in whatever way. So not just to be playful, but to be maybe playful, like in a stupid, goofy or whatever way.

Ashley: What's your favorite game to play with your children?

Matej: Hmm. My favorite thing is always to go outside on a walk.

Ashley: Hmm.

Matej: It's not a game, but whatever happens, happens. Uh, so it can be like. [00:44:00] It can be like games and, and stuff, and, or it can be like a fight, uh, because they, they don't want to walk. But it's all like a part of, part of, um, being a parent. So it's not always playful, but probably this is my favorite part of the day, usually to go out and walk.

Otherwise, I don't know what's the actual game. Um, I like when they're putting Legos together

Ashley: Hmm.

Matej: without a plan. So it's like, let's build a ship and there's no plan what the ship would look like, or let's build a house and each of us build a house and each have like completely different perception of a house.

Maybe one is flat, one is tall, one have everything, one have nothing. And it is something that, uh. Sparks the imagination. [00:45:00] Maybe it's, I don't know. It's, it's like, it's great to see how a child can build a house or a, a boat or whatever, and how maybe I am somehow preconditions, precondition how a house should look like, and then I have to free up my mind.

I say, okay, maybe I shouldn't follow so much rules. A house can be whatever I want it to be because it's from Legos. You can play it. So, yeah. And kids are actually teaching me this because whenever I ask what actually is this thing inside the house, they can always explain, this is a tv, this is a special chair.

This is, I don't know what they all know, know what, what it is. And for me it's like, uh, no it's not. But yeah, it can be.

Ashley: Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, I think kids are really great. I. Um, way to have access to things like that [00:46:00] or like to joy, we about before. Um,

Matej: Hmm.

Ashley: and connecting to that playful side. Because so often we forget like, what brought us joy as children, what we did just connect that playful side. And most adults are like, playfulness.

Why would I do that? That's not help, that's not work, that's not helpful. Why would I invest time and energy into that? Um, but playfulness is a great access and entry point to like happiness, joy, satisfaction within life, nervous system, regulation, um, and flow. So the people who actually do want to be more. Efficient or creative in their productivity, and not so much busyness, but actual effectiveness. [00:47:00] Um, like listening to music, dancing, entering flow in that kind of state where, you know, you lose all perception of time you kind of get lost in the thing that you're doing

Matej: Hmm,

Ashley: even enjoy it. And then you look up and you're like, oh my God, that flute time just had no concept to me right now.

And oh my I got so much done.

Matej: Yeah, I can, I remember when we had like really intensive rehearsals with my, with our band, and this is probably more than 10 years ago. Yeah, for sure. More than 10 years ago.

Ashley: You're like, woo, old.

Matej: And, and, uh, it was like weekend rehearsals, like two days or three days in a row the whole day. The same thing over and over again. And at the end of the weekend I was like Like really exhausted, but in a good way that that like [00:48:00] exhausted with a smile

Ashley: Mm-hmm.

Matej: because it's time flies by. We were all the time active, it was like a group thing.

So we had to do it together. And I think this is, this is a really important part because a lot of things that we do in life, we do alone, or at we are alone while doing it. And when you are like in a band, you do think toge things together. You have to somehow, each part is like a part of the whole.

And when you put it all together and you rehearse it, that it sounds right, then I. You have that like groove, which brings you to another level. But while you are doing that and rehearsing that, it's really a a in a group because you know, you have to participate your part in order to be the whole, it's, it's a really, um, great thing to experience.

Ashley: [00:49:00] Oh, that's beautiful because you had to find synchronicity within one another and work together. Is that right?

Matej: Yeah, it is. I mean, you know, it's funny when I think about this because there are so many fights and disagreements and whatever,

Ashley: No way. In a group setting.

Matej: Yeah. But you have to somehow overcome it. And, and this was not in a structured way. No one was leading anything. This was like a, a complete natural, um. Way. So we didn't know how we should resolve our conflicts.

It was just our knowledge was just, we have to resolve it in order to proceed.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: And at the end, uh, something good comes out of it. And then after such rehearsals, usually there was like a [00:50:00] concert or whatever. And, uh, when you're presenting that thing that you know, that you put your time and energy and sweat and everything in it, it's so good when you get the feedback, um, from people who are paying attention to her music or now paying attention maybe to this podcast.

It's the same thing when you're creating something and someone puts the, the, the time and is willing to listen to it or to watch it or whatever. It's, it's a good feeling.

Ashley: Have you gotten a lot of feedback your podcast?

Matej: Mm, not actually, I, I didn't, I didn't, uh, ask for any feedback. Like

Ashley: Fair?

Matej: I am. I do ask for feedback when I meet someone. I didn't ask for feedback, like publicly, how is it like, put it in comments or whatever.

I'm just cre creating it and publish each and every [00:51:00] episode whenever I feel to publish it. And this is it.

Ashley: Love it. It's

Matej: I used, I used to be much more structured. I used to have, like, at the beginning, like weekly episodes and then biweekly episodes. Like, uh, I wanted to have a clear frequency. I don't know why, because I read somewhere that this is important, but then I figured out that this is somehow stressing me out. And now it's like it is when it is because.

Ashley: Mm-hmm. And that ties into what we were talking about earlier, where it comes from like inspiration and service and overflowing cup versus coming from a place of like, I have to do this, this obligation, people are whatever, needing this. And then the quality of the thing goes down.

Matej: Yeah, the quality, the energy at the end. What's the point if I'm forcing myself to do something? [00:52:00] 'cause this is something that supposed to enjoy doing it not to force myself doing it. So then what's the point if I'm forcing myself?

Ashley: Yeah,

Matej: Yeah.

Ashley: great. 

Matej: How much time do we have?

Ashley: I have like 10 more minutes and then I to go.

Matej: Good to know. Good to know. We didn't set any time boundaries at the

Ashley: No, we did not, which is great. It was like free flow.

Matej: Yeah, it is. Great. So what's your next thing that you will involve yourself in, or now you're fully committed to the after bridge and extreme experience and to your podcast?

Ashley: Yeah. Mm. My podcast is really a passion project, just a place where I get to like, be me and not so much a coach. Like [00:53:00] I'm obviously a coach in the conversation, but I really love it because we, I feel like we have conversations that really need to be had. Um, we're actually gonna have a really interesting episode, our next episode.

'cause he, uh, my co-host, uh, he's from India, and so he had an arranged marriage. He's living in London now. He had an arranged marriage and they're doing, um, childless by choice, which is. Breaking every box that I have ever heard of. So I think that'll be a beautiful conversation for some people to think outside of the box.

Um, and Uhhuh, go ahead.

Matej: this is something that will be recorded or did you already

Ashley: we are going to record it next week. We're gonna do it. Um, and then I'm getting into hosting more free workshops again, and [00:54:00] opening doors for my one-on-one clients and I need to, I need to, I get to, um, focus on like what my messaging is now or like the, what I want to say to relate to other people going through that era of separation and divorce now.

Um, because as much as I love encouraging people and being like that voice. In the middle of a dark moment to be like, you got this. Come on, keep going. You're doing great. Like, um, I also want to speak to the people that really resonated with me from the workshop that I feel like as much content that I've seen as women going through a divorce, um, I really feel like there could be more coming from a different perspective, not so much from like anger resentment, me versus you [00:55:00] just kind of like both people working towards a win-win and doing best for them in the situation without having to call somebody the bad person.

Matej: Hmm. What would you say? What's, what's some kind of. Common. What's it, not a theme, but like common, it's denominator. Something that, uh, can apply to each and every conversation that you have about being divorced. What's something that all almost always shows up in this conversation? What's the common thing?

Ashley: That's a good question. Um, because I feel like a lot of it is based on people crossing their own boundaries, and then it's really hard for people, myself included, just like human behavior. It's really hard for people to [00:56:00] say, I could have said no. I could have stood up for myself. I could have removed myself from the situation.

I could have put control back in my hands and hold myself accountable from my actions in that situation. And instead, it's a lot easier to say, oh, no, no, it was the other person's fault, but. In reality, even when somebody, it doesn't even have to be my ex-partner, like crosses my boundaries if I'm still staying in, in that interaction with that person and I don't change my behavior and I don't create limits and a loving way and saying like, Hey, I know this was okay in the past for you to talk like to me like this, for you to do things like this, but if you do this again, I really don't see how we're gonna be able to continue our relationship together.

And then of course, because that person already knows [00:57:00] us and knows our behavior, and like any human being, not just children, they'll test those boundaries. Say, well, if I do do that again, what is this person gonna do? Um, for us to hold our own boundaries and say, no, I really said that's not okay anymore.

And I'm sorry, but because this is happening now, I need to take a break from this relationship. Now I need to go. Um, think about how I want our relationship to continue, um, and that that's the real work. That's the real uncomfortable work is like holding ourself accountable, admitting to ourselves that we are crossing that boundary every single time then actually doing something to change it. But that's just one, that's like a superficial layer. I think below that is like all of these things within people themselves, their inner work that just comes out in their most [00:58:00] intimate relationship.

Matej: Mm mm Yeah. It's like accepting who we are, who we truly are.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: like the foundation of everything and then you can move on. So a lot of marriages probably are, somehow, were somehow made based on maybe kids, maybe some, I don't know, love in student times or whatever. And growing up people not just change, but maybe they come back to themself more than they were in, I don't know, twenties.

Ashley: mm-hmm.

Matej: And it's hard for them to, to. Be in the relationship with someone who is maybe not willing to, to grow or maybe not willing to change, or maybe just, uh, [00:59:00] they're so different that they cannot function together. So, yeah.

Ashley: Yeah, absolutely. And I think that especially when people start. Working on themselves to grow and evolve into a different kind of person, uh, to be a better person. Hopefully that, uh, a lot of people drag their partner along and kind of point the finger and say, well, I'm doing the work. You should be doing the work.

Or because I'm doing this, you should be doing this. And it's actually conditioning the other person to not want to be in that journey because all they're being faced with is criticism and who wants to do something if all they're doing is being criticized before they even start it. So

Matej: hmm, hmm.

Ashley: I really like to,

Matej: a good point.

Ashley: I really like to encourage people, not even in romantic relationships, but also in friendships to like really praise the behavior from [01:00:00] somebody that you want to see more of.

Like, thank you so much for calling and checking on me. That really means a lot to me. Or, thank you for showing up and being here. Or Thank you for really listening to what I had to say in that moment. I feel like technology is a wonderful thing and it's created a lot of opportunity and possibilities for our evolution in society, but also it's really taken away our capacity to be able to be in social situations and navigate them in like a humanistic way that's not so intellectual.

It's like, okay, well I tell you where I'm going here and we're doing there, and then we're having dinner at this time, and then we go to bed, and then tomorrow we do it all over again. And people don't connect so much intimately, even in romantic relationships. It's like, tell me how you are doing. How are you feeling?

Like, let me be a [01:01:00] safe person for you in this moment where you're having extreme emotions. Some people go their entire lives not knowing what that feels like to be loved and supported through an ugly version of themselves.

Matej: Yeah,

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: we, we could go

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: rabbit

Ashley: talking about, oh, we only 10 left. Let's go Yeah.

Matej: Yeah. Obviously one hour is not enough to catch up.

Ashley: Not this time. Um, let's

Matej: But yeah, want respect. Yeah, we can for sure. Uh, I'm really happy that we met in this way and that you say yes to this experiment so we could try this format out just to catch up and have no structure. That's just to talk and see whatever comes up. So, great. Thanks.

Ashley: Thank you. I appreciate the invite and I love that you're exploring new, new avenues like [01:02:00] this. I think this is a beautiful format and I really hope people get whatever they can out of it.

Matej: Yeah, hopefully we'll

Ashley: At least one

Matej: try to, I'll try to, to, um, maybe have it on a monthly level. I'll see, I'll see after a year then maybe it'll somehow. The direction will change. I will see this is now like an experiment and I think it's like something that uh, I was thinking for quite a while and if I'm thinking about something, I have to give it a try because I'll never know otherwise.

Ashley: I love that. I love that. Well, it was wonderful talking with you Mattes. Thank you so much for the invite. It was really a, an honor and a pleasure.

Matej: Yeah. Thank you Ashley.

Ashley: And I can't wait to it

Matej: We'll be in touch.

Ashley: Yeah.

Matej: Have a great time.

Ashley: Thank you. See you later. Bye.

Matej: Bye.